Is this a sign?!

If you know me you've heard me talk about this deep fascination I have with the East Coast. More specifically this strong attraction towards the city of New York. There's this attachment I've developed with the city. This feeling where it's almost as if I've developed a crush on NY and shit, I haven't even been there. The only few things I know about the place is what my friends tell me or what the media portrays the city to be. But still even though I haven't been there, I got this mad crush on NY. This type type crush that you might've had in elementary school. You know that crush you have on someone you barely know. Someone who is completely unfamiliar territory for you. That kind of crush - the scary one. But the scary deep crush that at the same time triggered this decision in your head that although it's a scary risk to have feelings for someone you barely know, you don't give a fck. Maybe because for some damn reason you've already made it clear in your head, it's a risk worth taking? That crush just excites you, gives you butterflies and feeds you a strong presence so alive and inviting you can't ignore it?

Well that's how I feel about NY. I dream of it. I dream of big things in this big city.

After living in San Francisco for almost five years, I've realized I'm ready to try my hand at another city after I graduate. And it's not this media infused version of NY that I'm interested in. It's the challenging lifestyle I feel that intrigues me the most. While folks rather avoid those speed walking-never stopping-rude-thick skinned-opinionated-strong minded-blunt folks that live in NY that's what I want to encounter. I wanna be challenged. I wanna feel uncomfortable. I wanna be unfamiliar. I wanna get lost. I wanna be in a different atmosphere. For once I wanna be in a place that I've never been to, a place filled with strangers.

I want a change. A change of pace, a change of lifestyle, a change of faces. Even though it might only last a few days.

So... since I'm saying "peace out" to the city in a couple of weeks, I've been on a hunt for good deals for a mini vacation I wanna take on my own. Some would call this "soul searching," some would even call me naive but I still have this inkling to do it. Mainly though I think it's because for once I just wanna be out of the Bay. I wanna know how it feels to never hear the word: "hella" and know that I don't have family around to run to. I wanna try to be truly independent. So what better place to do that than in a city that I've always had a liking for but never had the guts to visit?

Well low and behold, today my friend lemme know the rates at Virgin American weren't so bad right now. And this is what I came across today...



BOOM. ROASTED.

Could this be it?! Should I book this shit? $218 round trip doesn't seem to shabby. Especially since ideally I would love to stay there for two weeks. Gahhh, it's such a leap. Such a spontaneous thing to do considering my funds... but really, when the opportunity comes we shouldn't let it pass right? (Bals, if you're reading this LET'S GET ON IT.)

Ahh, I'm dreamin' right now...

The Gift

"My responsibility is to let my caged words take flight." - Mayda Del Valle

Strangers

"It’s not so much that you miss past relationships, you just miss the person you thought they were."

There comes a time when a friendship between two people change. When the exciting stage is over, spontaneity is lost, and when things turn into routine. When the time spent between two people alters into a mere convenience only held up by past memories and connections leaving absent the existence of trust in one another.

It's that scary moment when the person sitting across from you isn't the same person you saw before. The individual that once challenged you, inspired you, motivated you, changed you, and brought out the best in you is now the individual who is keeping you from growing. It's that moment when you realize that the person sitting across from you isn't the person who makes you feel good anymore. It comes to a point when you realize that this friendship lost its substance.

Every moment spent with one another is only convenient. Too comfortable to the point where nothing substantial exists between you two. When conversation loses its purpose and instead replaces communication with superficial words exchanged only for the sole purpose of breaking unspoken tension. When words are forced, thoughts are constrained and trust is doubted. When hanging out is just another excuse to be around each other physically. Together you both stare at the TV, type on your laptops, and go out to coffee shops. But collectively, there's no mutual connection there anymore. It's merely two individuals interacting physically, but mentally & intellectually the two have become strangers. Just strangers using every distraction around them to avoid the obvious change in connection.

The only genuine thing holding you two together is the comfort you both have in using the friendship's history to save the friendship present. It's that mutual belief that for this moment settling for each others presence is enough.

My origin.

World, continue to inspire me.

What my weekend looked like...

all pics taken from my phone.... still


Wore these all weekend.


N.E.R.D. @ USF.


On my way to North Beach.


This is what my Saturday looked like... filled with detox & my favorite coffee shop. Stayed in North Beach for a few hours, wrote a few pieces and read a little from my new read: "The Gift."


Iwas sitting on the second floor of the cafe & this was the view from my window. A bus stop, tourists, & the rest of beautiful North Beach below me.


Topped off the weekend with a reunion with my beautiful ladies.



When the week started, I bought "Up" the first day it came out. Love it.


Now a cupcake to ease my homework pain.

Quote him

Originally I re-blogged this quote on my Tumblr. But thought it should be re-blogged again for D-FF.

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.

- Goethe

So I guess it's (almost) official?

This past Saturday I picked up my cap and gown and signed up for the USF Alumni Association.



Reality never hit me so hard then that very moment. I can only imagine how it'll feel to actually wear the gown, wear the cap, and walk down that aisle with a diploma in my hand. I'm sure if I'm already as hesitant, excited, and scared right now that feeling will only escalate 10x more in December.

Times right now are feeling so surreal and so bittersweet. My mind can't fully grasp it. I almost don't even want to. I really can't believe that it's almost that time. No matter how much I try to avoid the inevitable change is coming. There's nothing else for me to do now but to keep moving, to keep moving forward and try my best to finish off strong.

To the nervous butterflies in my stomach, here I am. I'm on the road to becoming someone else... someone more than just a student. If there were a time in my life where I could apply what I've learned into something greater, it's NOW. So world, get ready for me. In 40 days... I'm gonna wake up and do ME.


Here's a peek at my desktop wallpaper right now. Just another reminder for myself.

40 days till reality hits.
40 days till I’m forced to grow up.
40 days till graduation.

Gotta stay awake. Gotta stay hungry.

Hi

I miss you, you, you, and YOU.

Home - free write

In class today I started writing a piece about my definition of what I believe defined what "home" means for me. Originally inspired after listening to Adele's "Hometown Glory" walking to class. Listening to her lyrics more carefully I realized her lyrics struck memory of a past conversation I had with a friend about the mindful concept of what "home" is.

In the conversation we spoke about how the notion of "home" doesn't always necessarily resemble something physical or literal like a state we've lived in, a city we grew up in, or a roof over our heads. We came to a conclusion that a "home" could be established anywhere at any time. It's our state of mind, a form of our being; essentially a period in our life where we've endured the most growth. Not necessarily the place we've found the most comfort or the most company in, but rather a place in our mind, in our being where we've taken the time to recognize ourselves, challenge our being, channel our thoughts emotionally, physically, and freely in act of embracing growth as an individual.

This concept struck a nerve considering at one point in my life I was forced to move 4-5 times within four months. From city to city, I packed up all my belongings, shared rooms, slept on couches, and tried to piece together what "home" I had for the time being. Through that period of moving houses, I never once truly considered any of the houses I lived in as my true home. Primarily because I was in constant movement, I was in constant distress. I never took the time to fully indulge myself into the different cities I lived in. I never took the time to interact with my surroundings. I didn't have time to nor did I ever allow myself to. I never grew. I just simply forced myself to be "home" physically, while my mind was still in the Bay Area.

But now it being almost my 5th year in the city, I feel like I can officially call this place my home. Just like SJ, I've gone through moments in my life here that have changed me as a person. I've allowed myself to embrace the challenges and situations I've been confronted with and appreciate what the city has continued to offer me. All the interactions I've had with people, all the mishaps I've been through, all the exploring, soul searching, (cliche deep shit) I've been through in this city has only reassured me that this place has become my home. Right now this is one of the only other cities that has allowed me to take time to find myself and grow into the being I am today without any hesitation or worry.

Point is we all have a home somewhere. It just takes some of us awhile longer to discover it and identify with it.

So I pretty much started writing about that in class today, which I now realize kind of turned into a homage to San Francisco, haha. But I have yet to finish it. Maybe tonight after this essay, I'll probably pick it back up and complete it.

Until then, I'll leaving ya'll hanging.

Distracting myself

Since my camera broke last Winter, I've resulted in taking pictures with my camera phone instead. It's been alright. For now it does the job mainly because it's super convenient. I literally have a camera with me at all times. Which serves as a great way to document anytihng everything I encounter.

So far I've taken 788 pictures on my phone. Almost every other day I'll take a picture of something I see. If you ever get a hold of my phone and flip through my photos I'm sure you'll immediately get a feel of where I've been, who I've seen, and what generally amuses me.

While I would love to upgrade soon, my phone camera's cool with me.

Oh hail my Sony Ericsson.

















Quality's not so bad, right? Someday I'll get a Digital SLR though. Someday.