Oh really now?

Random thoughts strike best at 2:22am

1. I think the reason why I have trouble writing on here is because 75% of the time, I don't know how to start my entries. I think saying: "Dear Diary" or "Hello world" just won't do.

2. So I'm currently here chillin' in Parina. I'm the only one awake while my boys are sleeping on the couches. My music is blasting, people are staring and I still have 6 more articles to write. Am I trippin though? Nope. But Allen's snoring. It's okay though, it's helping me stay awake.

3. I still miss the "old" Parina, but the "new" fam isn't so bad. They make the bland lounge bearable.

4. Just finished writing a huge group poem with Vince and Sanchez. Imagine three writer's with three different mindsets honing three different writing styles all into a poem. Can you say "clusterfck?"

5. This song is helping me write through the night. I miss Aaliyah.

6. Why doesn't it feel like the holiday season yet???

7. I love my 6th floor girls. This was one of the best weekends I've had in awhile. Finally reunited with my girls, got my mind straight and pushed my worries to the side. It's only positive vibes from here.



8. It's down to 10 days till graduation. I'm scared shitless.

9. I need to order new contacts (!!!).

10. Gots myself a fresh hurrcut. So I wanna take this time to proclaim my gratitude and love for my hair stylist, Kalani. She is such a G!



11. Seriously if only Melisa's was open 24 hours, I'd be all up on that right now.

12. And if Melisa's had free Wi-Fi I'd probably live there.

13. My 12FT Dwende post was real tardy this past week. But it's up. Peep: http://12ftdwende.com/family/?p=2462 - It's about Tabi Tabi Po exhibit.

14. After this rough week I've been reminded that I have the most forgiving, patient, caring and down ass group of homies around.

15. I want to visit that coffee shop in Little Italy again. I'm craving for a new atmosphere when I write.

16. I've been keeping my family and your family in my prayers. We're gonna get by, baby girl. We stay up, we only get stronger.

17. Note to self: time alone permits self-reflection that is needed and healthy when recovering from an emotional week.

18. When life gets rough and shit hits the fan, keep folks closer instead of pushing them away.

19. It's all about BALANCE. Balance with friendships, family, school and life in general. The overall key to keeping me happy.

20. I'm screwed for tomorrow... err today.

Hey, shit happens

"All you can be is just you cause you're real not the plastic type. But reality sets and you're stuck in this plastic life. Why the tears? We're all here for you. But I know how you feel, I know how you feel and I do care."

N.E.R.D. - "Breakout"

Free My Writers Block

I manifest the power of my words
Reinventing every sound and syllable I create
With my lips ripped open
Freed of silence
To speak my mind
To verbalize
To write

To utilize the language given to me
Placed upon me to create
Those complex into simple existence

Here I communicate
Reverberate the sounds of language
Piecing together lines and lines of emotions once kept inside
Released into paragraphs of positive expression

Here I imagine
I imagine the world instead filtered in translation
With beings embracing tongues
With the power of conversation

In collaboration of minds ensuing positive action
Exchanging knowledge
Articulating what's left unspoken

Here I write
Here I manifest my words for the sake of them becoming
Exercising my right to free my mind
In a society where the root of our words are often forgotten

So I fight
I fight to give life to our words
Through thoughts triggering my fingertips
From fine pen dripping on paper
I finally allow my mind to flow in liberation

Giving myself that self power to create
And kill the fear hidden behind each word I've felt
In order to keep my writing alive
And my mind sane

Is this a sign?!

If you know me you've heard me talk about this deep fascination I have with the East Coast. More specifically this strong attraction towards the city of New York. There's this attachment I've developed with the city. This feeling where it's almost as if I've developed a crush on NY and shit, I haven't even been there. The only few things I know about the place is what my friends tell me or what the media portrays the city to be. But still even though I haven't been there, I got this mad crush on NY. This type type crush that you might've had in elementary school. You know that crush you have on someone you barely know. Someone who is completely unfamiliar territory for you. That kind of crush - the scary one. But the scary deep crush that at the same time triggered this decision in your head that although it's a scary risk to have feelings for someone you barely know, you don't give a fck. Maybe because for some damn reason you've already made it clear in your head, it's a risk worth taking? That crush just excites you, gives you butterflies and feeds you a strong presence so alive and inviting you can't ignore it?

Well that's how I feel about NY. I dream of it. I dream of big things in this big city.

After living in San Francisco for almost five years, I've realized I'm ready to try my hand at another city after I graduate. And it's not this media infused version of NY that I'm interested in. It's the challenging lifestyle I feel that intrigues me the most. While folks rather avoid those speed walking-never stopping-rude-thick skinned-opinionated-strong minded-blunt folks that live in NY that's what I want to encounter. I wanna be challenged. I wanna feel uncomfortable. I wanna be unfamiliar. I wanna get lost. I wanna be in a different atmosphere. For once I wanna be in a place that I've never been to, a place filled with strangers.

I want a change. A change of pace, a change of lifestyle, a change of faces. Even though it might only last a few days.

So... since I'm saying "peace out" to the city in a couple of weeks, I've been on a hunt for good deals for a mini vacation I wanna take on my own. Some would call this "soul searching," some would even call me naive but I still have this inkling to do it. Mainly though I think it's because for once I just wanna be out of the Bay. I wanna know how it feels to never hear the word: "hella" and know that I don't have family around to run to. I wanna try to be truly independent. So what better place to do that than in a city that I've always had a liking for but never had the guts to visit?

Well low and behold, today my friend lemme know the rates at Virgin American weren't so bad right now. And this is what I came across today...



BOOM. ROASTED.

Could this be it?! Should I book this shit? $218 round trip doesn't seem to shabby. Especially since ideally I would love to stay there for two weeks. Gahhh, it's such a leap. Such a spontaneous thing to do considering my funds... but really, when the opportunity comes we shouldn't let it pass right? (Bals, if you're reading this LET'S GET ON IT.)

Ahh, I'm dreamin' right now...

The Gift

"My responsibility is to let my caged words take flight." - Mayda Del Valle

Strangers

"It’s not so much that you miss past relationships, you just miss the person you thought they were."

There comes a time when a friendship between two people change. When the exciting stage is over, spontaneity is lost, and when things turn into routine. When the time spent between two people alters into a mere convenience only held up by past memories and connections leaving absent the existence of trust in one another.

It's that scary moment when the person sitting across from you isn't the same person you saw before. The individual that once challenged you, inspired you, motivated you, changed you, and brought out the best in you is now the individual who is keeping you from growing. It's that moment when you realize that the person sitting across from you isn't the person who makes you feel good anymore. It comes to a point when you realize that this friendship lost its substance.

Every moment spent with one another is only convenient. Too comfortable to the point where nothing substantial exists between you two. When conversation loses its purpose and instead replaces communication with superficial words exchanged only for the sole purpose of breaking unspoken tension. When words are forced, thoughts are constrained and trust is doubted. When hanging out is just another excuse to be around each other physically. Together you both stare at the TV, type on your laptops, and go out to coffee shops. But collectively, there's no mutual connection there anymore. It's merely two individuals interacting physically, but mentally & intellectually the two have become strangers. Just strangers using every distraction around them to avoid the obvious change in connection.

The only genuine thing holding you two together is the comfort you both have in using the friendship's history to save the friendship present. It's that mutual belief that for this moment settling for each others presence is enough.

My origin.

World, continue to inspire me.