Lazy afternoon

Wtf, where did my day go?

So about 14 hours ago I experienced the most laziest day I've had for awhile. It was Thursday and I woke up at 10:30am with a mad headache that I swear came outta nowhere. An irritating beat in my head was poundin away real hard. Kinda felt like someone hit my head a few times while I was sleeping. From my forehead to my temples I felt a lightheaded/dizzy feeling that would team up with that irritating pounding feeling and keep it company for a while. Those two pieces of irritating benefactors would team up to do some fcked up dance that would drive my noggin into a clusterfck of pain. Back and forth. The pounding, the dizziness would just not stop.

Soon declaring that this was the worse morning I've had in awhile.

So what did I do to cure myself in the AM? Instead of downing Tylenol, I just decided to rest and be lazy. Grabbed my laptop and stayed in bed till the pain went away. Didn't move an inch for a long time. Head felt too heavy for me to move. So I stayed lazy. And laziness stayed with me. And it seemed my lazy disease reached the rest of my apartment as well. Roommate walks in, feeds me breakfast, then sits her ass down on the bed. Seconds later, homegirl knocks out. Just. Like. That.

This is us for a good 3 hours:



Pair that image with this song:



A lazy afternoon indeed. I didn't get any shit done at all. My checklist was still clean when I made it last night. I blame it all on the muthafuggin' headache.

So here I go, it's 1:35am and I still gotta write, write, write. And you know what? The headache never left. WHY.

Word love.

"Poetically... I was in love with him. If only words were all it took to fully love someone." (via missbehavin)

As a writer I have a more difficult time grasping and articulating how I feel into words that I can speak aloud. So I write. When I saw this it reminded me of how I felt awhile ago.

But I've never been in love. That's the difference. Thought once I came close to it. But I don't think I was. Blame it on my nonchalant-emotionless self. But swear, feelings came close once. And if I had to describe how I felt this is exactly how I felt at that moment. It wasn't love though. I was only in love with with his words, his mind, but not him entirely.

And there was no other way to describe but poetically...

(okay, i end emo lovey-dovey post here. HAHA, it had to come out though. that's what happens when you find shit like this. it sucks you back into the past. DAMN, yo.)

Everyday I'm getting better.

"The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart." - Maya Angelou

she'll speak up.

learn to miss her.
learn to appreciate her.
learn to never take her for granted.

I'm being a girl again...

... and thought this was cute.



(via Post Secret)

"Clock With No Hands"

"People think that I’m crazy, just cause I wanna be alone
You can’t depend on friends to help you in a squeeze
We all deal with shit on our own
And sometimes the beef can grow, get out of hand
Yeah, you know it gets full blown
I never said that you mean the world to me
Maybe it’s best that you never know"

The Roots

The Park & Tacos > Bougie art

It was the first of October when my roommate invited me to go to a free art show.

All excited I asked my favorite youngin, Caroline to come with me. Who doesn't like free art galleries anyway? When we reached the place we understood exactly why it was probaby free. Little did we know that art show was everything we didn't expect. In my thought it was one of the most poorly put together galleries I've ever been to. If it weren't for the Kung Fu Taco Truck outside, the park next to it, and Caroline's camera our night would've been doomed.

But have no fear, we saved our night. I've got pictures to prove it.
















Thanks to the lovely and talented, Miss Caroline "Rolo" Calderon, we made the best of it.

Please excuse me but I have to ask...

Thom Yorke - The Eraser



Kanye West, Pharrell, & Lupe - "Us Placers"



Erase, replace, and repeat.

Help me find a cure for writer's block...

It's been a hot minute since I've written anything in here. I think my last decent post was in July?

No really though... as of late there's been mad hesitation for me writing in here. Mainly because what's been goin' on in my mind has been a "clusterfck" of emotions that I can't fully describe. It's been difficult for me to articulate my ALL into words that ya'll could understand. I've tried to blog every other day, but all that's left are abandoned and unfinished entries.

For that reason, I've been doing all I can to release some thought. I've been feedin' all my words into my Moleskin. I've been milkin' my my Moleskin for all it's worth. It's been my personal shrink, my only healthy piece of relieving therapy. We're pretty much BFFs. But even then, those pages serve like my unfinished entries. My pieces in there have been disconnected too. If you ever get a hold of my Moleskin everything I've written in there this past month has been a complete literal blur. There's incomplete sentences everywhere and words that stand alone. If someone were to see it, he/she would probably wonder what I was trying to write down. Just imagine a whole page filled with words, with words that don't relate and can't make up to being a sentence... but for some reason for me, it makes all the sense in the world.

I've been doing a lot of shit like that lately.

It's real weird though cause I've never had difficulty trying to write down or even describe how I was feeling. I never had trouble with that. Especially blogging. If anything, blogging would usually help me cope with my shit. Almost three years ago, it got me through my mom's illness. All those late nights, I'd be in the hospital I wouldn't be talking to anyone on the phone. I'd be writing my fear away. Last year when all the family drama caused me to move to four different houses in a span of over a year, I couldn't even begin to describe how that was for me to another being. I just wrote it down. And now, now I'm going through some bullshit and I can't even write it down on here or even complete a sentence.

It's frustrating. Writer's block you can SUCK IT.

it's 4:52am

So right here, this right here... me still awake writing past 4am has been my fucking routine since school started. What used to be me sleeping at 2am got worse. I see the sun come up almost every night/morning and I hear the birds chirp. Imagine instead of that putting me to sleep, it does the exact opposite. I wake up to it.

This has got to be some unhealthy shit.

BOLD the things that are TRUE.

I'm bored and I don't know what to write about so I stole this from CDR's tumblr. (Wassup to old surveys, holla!) Promise real update soon. Forreal, forreal.

I am a cuddler
I am a morning person
I am a perfectionist
I am a night person
I am an only child
I am Catholic
I am currently in my pajamas
I am currently suffering from a broken heart
I am okay at styling other people’s hair
I am left handed
I am addicted to my myspace
I am very shy around the opposite gender
I bite my nails
I can be paranoid at times
I currently regret something that I have said
When I get mad I curse frequently
I like someone
I enjoy jazz music
I enjoy smoothies
I enjoy talking on the phone
I have a pet
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
I have a tendency to fall for the wrong person
I have all my grandparents
I have at least one sibling
I have been told that I am smart
I have broken a bone
I have Caller I.D. on my phone
I have bathed/​showered with someone
I have changed a diaper
I have changed a lot over the past year
I have done something illegal
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair
I have had surgery
I have killed another person
I have had my hair cut within the last week
I have had the cops called on me
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t
I have held hands with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend/girlfriend
I have loved someone
I have danced around naked