I realize I haven't written anything here in a fat minute. Everything I've posted within the past few months have been past poetry, music, and pictures - anything and everything to depict my life in any way other than an actual update in written form. While I love doing all of that I don't think it's fulfilling enough. I mean at least for a writer it isn't.
So today I promise myself I'll use this blog more wisely, more efficiently and actually input some substance on here. Maybe I'll start talking about my future projects, collaborations, ideas? Who knows? But I know that somehow I gotta transform DFF into a "portfolio" or some kind of reference cause I'm sure with what I wanna do in the future, if I give DFF a facelift now it'll help me in the long run.
Riiiight?
Showing posts with label word vomit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label word vomit. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
ADD writing disease
I'm going through this weird feeling right now where I feel like my head is about to explode. My thoughts are racing in between different ideas all while my fingertips are trying to keep up. It's as if I have a million things I want to write about but I don't know where to start first.
Sometimes I'll start on one subject, write a few then I digress. I go off on this tangent and I write about something else. Then that something else will trigger another thought which will trigger another a few sentences later. Next thing you know I've started 3-4 drafts of all the ideas I had in my head, but with nothing to show for because none of them have fully developed into a clear thought or concept.
This shit happens to me a lot.
As a result I'm thinking I might have a slight case of ADD when I write... or maybe I just get too excited when I write? Either way I need to calm the fck down and just DO IT.
Sometimes I'll start on one subject, write a few then I digress. I go off on this tangent and I write about something else. Then that something else will trigger another thought which will trigger another a few sentences later. Next thing you know I've started 3-4 drafts of all the ideas I had in my head, but with nothing to show for because none of them have fully developed into a clear thought or concept.
This shit happens to me a lot.
As a result I'm thinking I might have a slight case of ADD when I write... or maybe I just get too excited when I write? Either way I need to calm the fck down and just DO IT.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Writing whatever deems my mind (ful)fill…ing.
sugarcoating days. drinking tea. losing sleep. swelling eye. concealing emotions. spacing love. burning bridges. tying ropes. hanging up. calling voices. missing beings. relapsing memories. reconnecting lifelines. disconnecting habits. annihilating negatives.
letting go.
transitioning phases. growing up. silencing fear. surrounding faces. erasing frowns. provoking smiles. feeling touches. giving care. lighting sun. saving trees. channeling owls. hunting deer. treading water. breathing air. dreaming consciously. staying awake. speaking freely. listening hearts. sounding beats. running thoughts. orchestrating pieces. marinating creations. minding individuality. spilling creativity.
seeing love.
regaining (my) vision. leaving pasts. stepping away. moving forward. keeping faith. finding strength. utilizing freedom. hustlin for (my) future. procreating words. taking chances. embracing change. signing pluses. counting days. battling time. tackling life. existing.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Clusterfck of thoughts? @ 3:24am
the following piece probably won't make sense to you, but that's okay. cause you know what? it doesn't' really make sense to me either. or it did. but just in my head? [...] just know i started writing and i refused to erase anything that came out. hence, i'd like to formally declare this piece as my "word vomit" aka free write of the night. this is pretty much me yacking out some thoughts for my sake not for yours.
---
there's been moments like these when i don't know what to write. when all the ideas i've thought of before are erased momentarily from my mind due to the fact that my mind is clouded with so much shit and clutter that i can't pinpoint exactly how i feel or how i feel i should write. or what i feel i should write about? see my mind has been on this weird tip where my ciphers can't connect. they disconnect. and most recently my gemini self has been really revealing itself in my behavior lately. most days i can't make a decision. most days i've been feeling TWO (many) feelings. i've been on this parade of thoughts i'm unsure about. one day i'm cool, the next day i'm uneasy. it's involved anything and everything that makes me. from family to friends to relationships to school to jobs to the city to SJ. i'm constantly surrounded by decisions that at one point in my life i thought i was sure about making. but most recently when i wake up the next day my decisions change again. my emotions feel different. some things i didn't give a fck about before are the things i'd be fighting for. folks i thought i didn't care for i feel a longing for. i go from feeling strong to weak to strong again. i meddle back and forth in my mind like a fcked up seesaw that never ends. then somehow when my mind is spinning it wanders in a direction that urges me to find the point in all this? the point in me worrying, wondering, thinking... the point in me making these decisions? that's when i realize that my mind seeks satisfaction in ways that i once never thought of. my mind find satisfaction in possibilities. in the future. in my future. these endless possibilties that i've only once thought of but now hope to embrace. i've been thinking a lot about this freedom i've been given after graduating. this freedom that everyone is so excited to have. but the same freedom i'm too scared to live in. with so many decisions to be made i'm beginning to feel that this freedom i've been privileged to have is something that only scares me because it allows room for doubt and fear. it leaves room for me to question what i've always been unsure of. but then that's when i begin to realize that those decisions i once made before this "freedom" arose were decisions i only concluded to because i was constrained. i didn't know better. my mind wasn't exploring. my mind was stuck. my possibilities were limited. my life was mapped out in directions i was forced to go. but now that i've been given the time, the lesson, the leeway and the opportunity to seek my options at full force it is now my chance to subsume what i truly want. to explore my thoughts. to never doubt myself but to believe that this "freedom" i've been given is to fuel me. to motivate me. to inspire me. to allow me to be the being i've always envisioned to be. the being i've only imagined to be. to embrace that image. hold it. make it happen. and constantly remind myself that every single decision that's going to be made from now on will affect the future me and all that makes me... only for the better.
---
there's been moments like these when i don't know what to write. when all the ideas i've thought of before are erased momentarily from my mind due to the fact that my mind is clouded with so much shit and clutter that i can't pinpoint exactly how i feel or how i feel i should write. or what i feel i should write about? see my mind has been on this weird tip where my ciphers can't connect. they disconnect. and most recently my gemini self has been really revealing itself in my behavior lately. most days i can't make a decision. most days i've been feeling TWO (many) feelings. i've been on this parade of thoughts i'm unsure about. one day i'm cool, the next day i'm uneasy. it's involved anything and everything that makes me. from family to friends to relationships to school to jobs to the city to SJ. i'm constantly surrounded by decisions that at one point in my life i thought i was sure about making. but most recently when i wake up the next day my decisions change again. my emotions feel different. some things i didn't give a fck about before are the things i'd be fighting for. folks i thought i didn't care for i feel a longing for. i go from feeling strong to weak to strong again. i meddle back and forth in my mind like a fcked up seesaw that never ends. then somehow when my mind is spinning it wanders in a direction that urges me to find the point in all this? the point in me worrying, wondering, thinking... the point in me making these decisions? that's when i realize that my mind seeks satisfaction in ways that i once never thought of. my mind find satisfaction in possibilities. in the future. in my future. these endless possibilties that i've only once thought of but now hope to embrace. i've been thinking a lot about this freedom i've been given after graduating. this freedom that everyone is so excited to have. but the same freedom i'm too scared to live in. with so many decisions to be made i'm beginning to feel that this freedom i've been privileged to have is something that only scares me because it allows room for doubt and fear. it leaves room for me to question what i've always been unsure of. but then that's when i begin to realize that those decisions i once made before this "freedom" arose were decisions i only concluded to because i was constrained. i didn't know better. my mind wasn't exploring. my mind was stuck. my possibilities were limited. my life was mapped out in directions i was forced to go. but now that i've been given the time, the lesson, the leeway and the opportunity to seek my options at full force it is now my chance to subsume what i truly want. to explore my thoughts. to never doubt myself but to believe that this "freedom" i've been given is to fuel me. to motivate me. to inspire me. to allow me to be the being i've always envisioned to be. the being i've only imagined to be. to embrace that image. hold it. make it happen. and constantly remind myself that every single decision that's going to be made from now on will affect the future me and all that makes me... only for the better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
