Dear 2009,

You have been my toughest teacher yet. And you know what? I hate you. I really do.

But I only hate you because you've fcked with my mind so much, I can't remember a moment when my mind was at ease. But that's how you taught me. That's how you helped me grow. Never have I been so challenged in my life till I met you. In 12 months, all the experiences I've gone through, all the ups and downs, along with the tears and happiness you brought upon me has only reassured me of the being I am today with the being I'm striving to become. You have allowed me to redeem myself from all the challenges that were faced before me. You've done so much for me that the other years have never done. You encouraged me to grow.

With all I've been through with you, I can honestly say I am now a stronger individual than I was a year ago. For that I thank you.

Now I can't wait to meet you, 2010.

Love,
Aileen

Welcome to The Mission...

(via Joellene Buccat)

Hello past, meet the present

Just another nice reminder for myself.

12/13 free write

walked up and down these streets as if had a purpose. as if i had somewhere to go. fast-paced... on a mission. to where? all i feel is my body walking with my mind trailing. fast-paced legs, fast-paced thoughts. running. skipping. leaping from one motion to one thought ahead. moving, passing, walking through streets with the wind peacefully brushing my face. peacefully erasing my worries just for that moment. that moment where my feet take place of my mind. where my limbs take me towards a place my mind is unaware of. here, i subconsciously constantly keep pace, constantly move, so the reality standing before me can't catch up to me.

peace of mind

For me.

Every time the writer's disease comes back to haunt me, I have this tendency to seek out "inspirational quotes" to get me writing again. And here's the most recent one I found:

"Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writer’s will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals."

- Don Delillo

This serves as a remembrance to keep writing for myself not for you.

What life's been lookin like lately...

Yes, that's tweetdeck on the big screen.



7 more days till graduation.
Just one more week ya'll. My palms still get sweaty every time I think about it.

Oh really now?

Random thoughts strike best at 2:22am

1. I think the reason why I have trouble writing on here is because 75% of the time, I don't know how to start my entries. I think saying: "Dear Diary" or "Hello world" just won't do.

2. So I'm currently here chillin' in Parina. I'm the only one awake while my boys are sleeping on the couches. My music is blasting, people are staring and I still have 6 more articles to write. Am I trippin though? Nope. But Allen's snoring. It's okay though, it's helping me stay awake.

3. I still miss the "old" Parina, but the "new" fam isn't so bad. They make the bland lounge bearable.

4. Just finished writing a huge group poem with Vince and Sanchez. Imagine three writer's with three different mindsets honing three different writing styles all into a poem. Can you say "clusterfck?"

5. This song is helping me write through the night. I miss Aaliyah.

6. Why doesn't it feel like the holiday season yet???

7. I love my 6th floor girls. This was one of the best weekends I've had in awhile. Finally reunited with my girls, got my mind straight and pushed my worries to the side. It's only positive vibes from here.



8. It's down to 10 days till graduation. I'm scared shitless.

9. I need to order new contacts (!!!).

10. Gots myself a fresh hurrcut. So I wanna take this time to proclaim my gratitude and love for my hair stylist, Kalani. She is such a G!



11. Seriously if only Melisa's was open 24 hours, I'd be all up on that right now.

12. And if Melisa's had free Wi-Fi I'd probably live there.

13. My 12FT Dwende post was real tardy this past week. But it's up. Peep: http://12ftdwende.com/family/?p=2462 - It's about Tabi Tabi Po exhibit.

14. After this rough week I've been reminded that I have the most forgiving, patient, caring and down ass group of homies around.

15. I want to visit that coffee shop in Little Italy again. I'm craving for a new atmosphere when I write.

16. I've been keeping my family and your family in my prayers. We're gonna get by, baby girl. We stay up, we only get stronger.

17. Note to self: time alone permits self-reflection that is needed and healthy when recovering from an emotional week.

18. When life gets rough and shit hits the fan, keep folks closer instead of pushing them away.

19. It's all about BALANCE. Balance with friendships, family, school and life in general. The overall key to keeping me happy.

20. I'm screwed for tomorrow... err today.

Hey, shit happens

"All you can be is just you cause you're real not the plastic type. But reality sets and you're stuck in this plastic life. Why the tears? We're all here for you. But I know how you feel, I know how you feel and I do care."

N.E.R.D. - "Breakout"

Free My Writers Block

I manifest the power of my words
Reinventing every sound and syllable I create
With my lips ripped open
Freed of silence
To speak my mind
To verbalize
To write

To utilize the language given to me
Placed upon me to create
Those complex into simple existence

Here I communicate
Reverberate the sounds of language
Piecing together lines and lines of emotions once kept inside
Released into paragraphs of positive expression

Here I imagine
I imagine the world instead filtered in translation
With beings embracing tongues
With the power of conversation

In collaboration of minds ensuing positive action
Exchanging knowledge
Articulating what's left unspoken

Here I write
Here I manifest my words for the sake of them becoming
Exercising my right to free my mind
In a society where the root of our words are often forgotten

So I fight
I fight to give life to our words
Through thoughts triggering my fingertips
From fine pen dripping on paper
I finally allow my mind to flow in liberation

Giving myself that self power to create
And kill the fear hidden behind each word I've felt
In order to keep my writing alive
And my mind sane