gahdamn you, Edward Cullen.

lemme just get this off my chest real quick...

THE TWILIGHT SERIES IS DRIVING ME INSANE.

completely insane. i'm not even overexaggerating here when i say it's affecting my school work because i'm pretty damn sure i'm not the only one struggling to make a grade knowing there's soooo much more to read about vampires. i'm hooked.

and to think i used to knock the series when i first heard about it months ago. i thought the series was just gonna be a lame adult version of Harry Potter meets Buffy kind of love story. but damn, i was so wrong cause it's probably just like all of what i was thinking and all of what i didn't think of... all on crack and then some. (whoa, did you get that?) my imagination's killin' me right now. now i know why the Border's guy told me folks usually finish the series in less than a month. this shit IS addicting. and i think i'm addicted now.

and it doesn't help that my imagination just won't stop. especially since now i'm done with Twilight and i'm onto New Moon, my mind's takin' off and it's on it's own. it won't lemme concentrate on writing any of my articles, final papers, or anything. all i wanna do is grab a damn copy, watch the movie all over again, and talk to Val & Bianca about vampires. i feel so nerdy, it almost hurts. but i'm also proud at the same time. i never knew i could be so much into a fictional book at this age. i haven't been this into reading about fictional characters since i was a kid. i haven't read a book this intriguing or interesting in so long. mad kudos to the writer cause homegirl definitely knows how to catch a reader's attention and keep it. with the words she uses, the way she describes every little action each character makes, and the way she portrays each event... leaves the reader wishing things like this would happen in real life.

but too bad it DOESN'T! ugh, what a tease. but a real good one though, haha.

alright, so i'm thinking i'm pretty much in trouble when i get into the second book cause if i'm already feeling this preoccupied and anxious after the first one, just imagine me after the second. i'll probably have no friends and horrible grades cause i'll be occupying my days reading in my room alone.

oh well, i'm too cool anyway.



again, damn you Edward Cullen.
---

**EDIT// [12:02a]

i'm probably gonna regret writing that shit up there later. i'm a little embarrassed by my rant of subtle obsession.

Dear Beautiful,

Happy muthafuggin' Holidays! Give us a hug.

Love,
Ann & Aileen

Holla-day in San Jose.

everytime i'm in the city for way too long, i tend to burn myself out. so everytime i go home, it's refreshing. it's like me recharging my batteries emotionally and physically making home very therapeutic for me -- i can't get enough of it. seeing my boys, Ann, my old SL elementary school folks, and being around my fam was everything i needed this weekend. they definitely lifted my head up and took me out of my slump for a bit. i'm on a good level right now... i'm up.

i am sooooo glad i took an early day off of school to start my Thanksgiving break. i skipped all my classes on Wednesday to go home on Tuesday night. it's probably been the best decision i've made in awhile, a def much needed extra day of break because Wednesday, I got to spend the whole day with my kuya after i got my hair cut. we chilled with my cousin during the day, then he took me home to his apartment where we watched the Sharks kill Dallas. then after, we just did the usual sister-brother bonding time. we caught up with each other and basically laughed all night. i also got to catch up on my reading Twilight too and finally got to sleepover at my bro's place which was a good time away from my usual busy stay in SJ.

then on Thursday, it was of course, Thanksgiving. i did the usual w/ the fams... the turkey dinner, then video games w/ my cousins. and for some reason, my bro, my cousin, and i were all craving for sweets after eating. so what did we do? we went on a hunt for fucking ice cream at 10pm Thanksgiving night. our mission was unsuccessful as predicted, hahah. but it was fun. then after, i went out with my soulmate, Ate Shar to do our traditional Black Friday shopping in Gilroy at midnight. we ended up staying there till 7:30am and bought hella shit while my guys left right after they bought timbs, haha. my wallet is definitely empty now though and my broke ass is in mourning, but at least i'll be well dressed for awhile now. YEE!

Friday, after the drama and bullshit w/ girls who don't matter in my life... the guys saved me and we went to Temple Lounge. after waiting an hour in line, we got inside and finally got our draaaaaaank on. there were so many familiar faces that night. so many folks i haven't seen since high school proving downtown San Jose as a reunion spot during breaks, for sure. just glad i didn't bump into folks i've been tryign to avoid. it was a good night, but a long one. we waited for our La Vics for about an hour and still chilled after making it home close to 4am. but it was worth the hassle that night.

and today was just as dope. i visited my Tita Mely at her house and spent some quality time with her till Ann and her bro picked me up. we went shopping for a bit in Eastridge and then ate at the usual spot. got our bonding time in and updated each other. did the usual and also took pictures w/ Santa. LOVE always with Annie T.

it's been a good few days. i'm lovin' life right now. i'm without worry and i'm breathing. i'm content, comfortable, and away from the bad vibes. i'm feelin' myself again. i'm livin' high.



i don't wanna go back to the city anymore.

All the single ladies...

Justin Timberlake is still my husband, mmhmm.

No sense, non-sense.

i feel weird right now. i can't sleep, but my body knows i'm tired. i have shit to do, but i don't want to do it. i'm just here chillin' in my bed, not doing shit. but i know i should be doing something productive.

i have an urge to write something though.

some.
thing.
any.
thing.

but obviously nothing too meaningful, nothing other than non-sense. only along the lines of random mess. because my nonchalant self, indecisive self, can't think of what to write. other than words to make sentences that dont' make sense. i'm stuck in a mind state where my body doesn't feel like it's connected to my mind. i'm just feelin' creativity that my body doesn't wanna react to. so i'm here... thinking hard about nothing, really. really?

i need more sleep.

Just because.

i've had this old Justin Timberlake song on repeat for the last couple of days. idk why, but this shit puts me to sleep so well right now, haha.

Peace & quiet...

people who talk too much noise pissed me off today. as a result, i grabbed my notebook and spoke my mind.... in silence so loud.

real issues around us are ignored and silenced too often cause instead folks have indulged themselves among superficial words that have no meaning attatched to them.
---

words released out of these individuals' mouths flow as cheap, unappealing rhetoric that causes my ears to bleed and my lips to be glued silent.
---

talk has become nothing worth repeating since words are attached to notions that speak of negative connotations.
---

what once was filled with inteligence, purpose, and an exchange of knowledge has now become a poor haven for bitter tongue and anxiety.
---

conversation is instead used to break people apart instead of connect them.
---

there's no other way to fight this but to stay silent.

---

maybe when i have more time, i'll turn these lines into a real poem. but until then, i'll leave the pieces as is.

Vent session #1

it's beyond me that i can't focus on writing a simple article right now on a topic that's fairly easy to write about and something i could probably finish in half an hour if i really tried. this is probably becoming one of the few articles that are taking me FOREVER to finish. it's really annoying me, really. and here i am writing on my blog instead of writing on word. i'm lame.

but like one of my professor says, if something's on your mind write about it before you write about one of your assignments. or else if i don't, basically it'll fck up my paper. basically. but hey, no big deal.

so that's what i'm trying to do right now. but it's odd, idk what to really vent about before i start writing again. i feel like there's so much going on in my life but then there's not. but then there is? i was talking to my co-worker yesterday and she was asking me what i was doing this weekend. i told her 3 events i was going to. and then i asked her what she was doing she replied, "nothing specific. i'm not the type to do big events. i just go with the flow."

and you know what i said in my head: "lucky bitch!"

seriously. i used to be like that. i used to be carefree. i used to go to events i liked. and i definitely used to just go with the flow. but now? i'm so scheduled. i'm on a deadline constantly. if it's not me writing for a deadline, it's me planning an event, attending an event or meeting that has a deadline. grr... which is exactly how i NEVER wanted to be. as this semester goes on, i don't feel like i've enjoyed myself as much because of the obligations i've placed upon myself and the responsibilities people have placed upon me. i'm overwhelmed (and pissed) that i'm using up all my time on shit i don't feel passionate about anymore. which has made me a bitter, bitter individual.

i miss so much of what my days used to be. i miss certain people who used to be in my life and i miss how i used to be. i miss not having a routine. i miss spontaneity. i've lost apart of myself in all this chaos. i don't feel i'm being fair to myself and i'm getting caught up in other people's bullshit and petty play that i'm not doing "me" right now...NOT COOL.

wanna know what's even more uncool? organized fucking fun! how can you have organized fun? how can you have forced fun? that's just not fun.

aaaaaaaand that's my life (right now). organized forced fun. not fun, and not cool.

but it's "whatever" right? moving on now...

vent session #1 = COMPLETE.
article #189 = INCOMPLETE.

good bye.