Vent session #1

it's beyond me that i can't focus on writing a simple article right now on a topic that's fairly easy to write about and something i could probably finish in half an hour if i really tried. this is probably becoming one of the few articles that are taking me FOREVER to finish. it's really annoying me, really. and here i am writing on my blog instead of writing on word. i'm lame.

but like one of my professor says, if something's on your mind write about it before you write about one of your assignments. or else if i don't, basically it'll fck up my paper. basically. but hey, no big deal.

so that's what i'm trying to do right now. but it's odd, idk what to really vent about before i start writing again. i feel like there's so much going on in my life but then there's not. but then there is? i was talking to my co-worker yesterday and she was asking me what i was doing this weekend. i told her 3 events i was going to. and then i asked her what she was doing she replied, "nothing specific. i'm not the type to do big events. i just go with the flow."

and you know what i said in my head: "lucky bitch!"

seriously. i used to be like that. i used to be carefree. i used to go to events i liked. and i definitely used to just go with the flow. but now? i'm so scheduled. i'm on a deadline constantly. if it's not me writing for a deadline, it's me planning an event, attending an event or meeting that has a deadline. grr... which is exactly how i NEVER wanted to be. as this semester goes on, i don't feel like i've enjoyed myself as much because of the obligations i've placed upon myself and the responsibilities people have placed upon me. i'm overwhelmed (and pissed) that i'm using up all my time on shit i don't feel passionate about anymore. which has made me a bitter, bitter individual.

i miss so much of what my days used to be. i miss certain people who used to be in my life and i miss how i used to be. i miss not having a routine. i miss spontaneity. i've lost apart of myself in all this chaos. i don't feel i'm being fair to myself and i'm getting caught up in other people's bullshit and petty play that i'm not doing "me" right now...NOT COOL.

wanna know what's even more uncool? organized fucking fun! how can you have organized fun? how can you have forced fun? that's just not fun.

aaaaaaaand that's my life (right now). organized forced fun. not fun, and not cool.

but it's "whatever" right? moving on now...

vent session #1 = COMPLETE.
article #189 = INCOMPLETE.

good bye.