Was, has been, am, is

A year ago, I was this person.

I was optimistic, energetic, and full of life. My mental state fed off of self-inflicted positivity and no one could shake me. I possessed feet that never rested and eyes that never shut. “Sleep can happen when I’m dead,” I used to tell myself. Cause in my mind, I never needed to be asleep to dream. Instead I believed if I stayed awake my dreams would alter into my reality.

I had a vision and I was never blinded. I was hopeful, but not naive. I deemed myself prideful but humble in many ways. Through the interactions with the folks around me to mishaps within my family to the changes before me, life always knew how to balance me. It didn’t matter how many curve balls came my way, or how many signs pointed left or right, I never felt lost. I never needed a map. I had my own direction. My heart knew where to lead and my body always knew where follow. And rarely did I ever allow hesitation or fear of failing get in the way of my path. I just always kept my head up, kept moving and kept pace.

I was in constant movement.

Moving whether my momentum shifted me forward or kept me in a limbo between my present and future, I kept pace. And I kept pace amidst ever-changing environments. Every new challenge, every new situation, every new person I came across, I trusted myself to adapt to it all. I stood my ground and embraced the universe surrounding me. I knew how to trust the changes happening. And I knew how to trust myself.

But fast forward to the present and I’m no where near this same person I was. I’m far from the universe I used to live in.

Here I stand still, confused, unable to decipher what my next move will be. Here I am among those same signs, in which point toward possible futures, but fear and hesitation stand in the way of my path. Instead now I stand still between my present and the haziness of my future hoping that somehow, someway this person I used to be a year ago will soon be this person I am today.