yesterday my housemate called me a nobody.

there's been a lot of tension in the house... it's like an overworked muscle waiting for recovery. i don't want to pull the subject out of context but I've graduated and worked at the same coffee shop for almost a year now.

see, my housemates are still in college. I'm in the post-grad oh not so hot in life phase right now. I know, I could be rockin' it hard, downin' all the ma'f-ckas i can handle--but I decided not to.

right now I should be in the second half of me conjuring up pre-reqs to faintly apply for grad school. which by the way, at some point i plan TO BE SOMEBODY. (sort of in the same sense as now, but a different quality of experience, a higher pay, and a closer relation to my clients, not so much the customers).

but life happened. i sort of fell into this post-grad pity party of not having a solid plan my senior year of that youthful undergrad school life...you know the party everywhere/everyday kind of thing-- instead, i decided i didn't want to do law, and that computer science wasn't my forte...that psychology wasn't the bike ride i wanted to be on. & that my "what is lost" question isn't going to help me graduate from a masters in some type of theory. oh no, no.

aside from my wallet (which was fully owned and handled by parental numbers 1 & 2) being snatched and disconnected from right under me: the true reality of a struggling economy, lack of job opportunities & growing up really drowned me.

maybe some people will tell me that i'm growing up to fast, or that i'm on a good path....whatever people have in mind they can have, say, and/or keep...but why this job means so much to me is something that has given me character, maybe a tiny ball sac, and a stepping stone onto who i plan to be.

530 wake up calls-- to prepare for the customers in order to serv[ic]e them. without that cup of addiction or daily need to get them through the day where/who would they be? my job has to mean something.

whatever reason(s) i decide to stick to my job: "because i chose 530 for my sunday, monday gigs. because the people i work with are efficient, witty, quick on their feet, seriously awesome, super layered character".

that coffeshop is where i learned to treat people--thorugh my service for others. from my words, to my hands, to my head, to my feet... i've opened, i've worked, i've cleaned, i've closed.

to choose this lifestyle wasn't an easy one . some of the things i have learned to live without were definetly a challenge to let go. & to understand the meaning of sacrafice at this age has been a journey.

see, i'm filling in my foundation for a better future because i know who and what i can be. i'm starting from the beginning so i can make a thorough finish.

i make decisions to keep them. call me commited because i'm not complaining.

...and how you called me a nobody.